Beyond the Shuffle: Tarot, Life & Everything In Between

Tarot Rules & Ethics

• Adrienne Amari • Season 1 • Episode 22

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What tarot rules have you heard of? Which ones have you practiced? Which have you broken? And which do you think are non-negotiable? 

There have been so many rules I've seen floating around out there about tarot. I'm here to tell you what the rules really are. We also chat a bit about ethics, and what's worth thinking about and considering.


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What tarot rules have you heard of? Which ones have you practiced? Which have you broken? And which do you think are non-negotiable? Hi there, and welcome to Beyond the Shuffle, a podcast where we explore this wild ride of the human experience through the lens of Tarot. I'm Adrienne Amari, your host, guide, and rule breaker when it comes to the cards. So settle in, open your mind, and let's go Beyond the Shuffle. Now I know in the past couple of weeks I've kind of been getting away from talking about cards and their meanings specifically. And we're gonna do that for this week as well, because there is something else I would love to talk about that is very prevalent in the tarot world, and that is tarot rules and ethics. Now, if you have any experience trying to learn tarot, I am sure you've come across numerous rules. You can do this, you can't do that. And if you're new to tarot, let me tell you, there's lots of rules out there, and most of them are complete BS. And I'm not saying this to put anyone down because when you're learning tarot, it is nice to have some kind of structure. It is nice to know that you're supposed to do this and you're maybe not supposed to do that. But the problem is it's not really the way to become a really good tarot reader. So many of the rules are do what works for you, and if it works for your practice, if it makes sense for you in your practice, by all means do it. If it doesn't, then don't. One of the rules that I saw come up recently in a Facebook community was that you can't read tarot for yourself, or that you shouldn't, or that if you do, you have to do it as if you're talking to the third person, which I'm sorry, if that works for you, that's great, but for me that just feels super cringy. No judgment either way. But that is complete and utter BS. Because you can read tarot for yourself, 100% you can. Some people only ever read tarot for themselves. And if you're sitting there saying, No, I can't do it, that's your ego getting in your way. If your readings aren't accurate, that is nothing to do with whether or not you can read tarot for yourself. That's just having the skills to be able to do it, and that is something that can so easily be developed. But for me, the fact that this person's mentor told them that they can't read for themselves just felt like a huge red flag. Because if you don't read for yourself, how are you going to get practice? How are you going to create stories and meanings with these cards if you're only ever experiencing them through someone else's lens? And the answer to that question, of course, is you're not. Another common one is that people should never touch your tarot deck because their energy is going to get on it or something like that. And I'm not going to lie, when I first started reading tarot for others, especially out in public, I didn't let people choose the cards or touch my decks. Part of this was because I started reading tarot out in public just after the pandemic. So we were still wearing masks and it was still like, ooh, I don't know if I want the germs on my cards. I'm sorry. But for any other reason than health-wise or that, like spreading stuff-wise, there is no reason or bad juju to have someone else touching your cards. It's a personal preference. And it's okay if you don't like them touching it. That's totally fine. But don't make it for a reason that it's not. If it's just like I don't like people touching my stuff, that is totally cool. If you think they're going to get their energy all over your deck, that is not really true. Because at the end of the day, everything is made of energy, even your tarot cards vibrating at different levels and frequencies. They are already energy, but if you feel like people's energy gets on them and that throws you or throws your readings, that's fine. That's your belief, that's okay. So read within a way that makes sense for you to do so. Because let's be real, we don't need more barriers in life. And that goes hand in hand with having to cleanse your deck. I don't. If you like it, if the ritual makes sense for you, if it makes you feel or believe or react a certain way, yes, do it. But for me, it was just another wall that I had to climb to read my cards. I personally don't believe it really does anything because it doesn't do anything internally for me. Not saying that has to be the case for you, but I very much view my tarot cards like a tool, like a hammer. And I wouldn't be cleaning a hammer every time I nailed something into a wall. And that's just my perspective. So why am I going to perform something that really is only being done for the performative element when there's really no intent behind it and it doesn't enrich my practice in any shape, way, or form. But I know a lot of people have a cleansing practice and it makes them feel good and connected to their cards. And if that's you, continue to do it. But if you're more like me, know that it's okay. It doesn't make you a bad reader. It's not going to take away your skills or anything in that realm. You're not doing it wrong. I'm sure you've seen rules that state you have to read reversals to be a certain level of tarot reader, or that you should never read reversals, that you can't ask yes or no questions. Or that the cards can only be asked serious questions. That you should only read jumper cards, or you should never read jumper cards. And here's the truth. If you want to read reversals, do it. If it doesn't make sense in your brain or help your readings, don't. There are skills around asking yes or no questions and a million different ways to do it. So if it's something you want to try, try it and see if it works for you. Ask ridiculous questions and have a little bit of fun. The tarot cards are a map of the human experience, and I hope we can all agree that the human experience is also meant to be fun from time to time. And if you like shuffling until a jumper card comes out and you want to read like that, do it. If like me you don't, then don't. If you like the more divination aspect of the tarot and really believe in predicting the future, then do readings that help with that. If, again, like me, because I talked about this a few episodes ago, if that's not something that really vibes with you because of the way you see things in your belief systems, then don't. The beautiful thing about tarot is that it can be shaped and molded depending on who's reading, because we all have different experiences and purposes here. No two tarot readers are the same, just like no two people are the same. And it's okay that we have different ways of doing things and different philosophies. Because there will always be someone who is attracted to your way of thinking who you can really help because you're on the same wavelength. Honestly, the only real rule that I do think is important with the tarot is that you should know the foundation of the cards. Because if you want to read tarot cards, we do have to understand that there is a structure and a foundation built into them. So, of course, you can look at the pictures and get intuitive messages. I do think that you become a stronger reader when you understand the foundation that the tarot was built upon. And there is more than one foundation you can choose from. That's the most exciting thing. You can choose the structure that works for you and then extrapolate on top of that. See, the reason I love tarot so much is because I love the fact that there is that underlying structure. I love the fact that I can pick up pretty much any tarot deck or any Riderweight Smith-based tarot deck, see the death card, and think awesome, change is coming. Let old parts of yourself die off, transformation, allow things to end, ending that leads to new beginnings, whatever key words you want to throw at it. I know that the death card will always mean that. Now, of course, you can change the lens and the words will change as you kind of figure out the context of what the card means, but that's why the structure of the tarot is important. It gives you that base and it really helps when you blank out. And this might sound harsh, but I do believe that if you don't understand one of the foundations behind the tarot, then you're not really reading tarot. You're reading the pictures more like an oracle card, and nothing wrong with that, but let's call a spade a spade. Now, does that mean that your meanings have to stick exactly to the guidebook and can never shift and change? No, that's not what that means at all because it's not that the meaning changes so much as you add new understandings, new layers onto the card and can see it in different perspectives in ways that reflect actual life. So let me give you an example. Let's look at the Knight of Pentacles. Now, the Knight of Pentacles is the down-to-earth, hardworking, dependable knight who puts one foot in front of the other. He's consistent, he toils away, he has his eyes on the prize, he's not the fastest or most exciting of knights, but he gets the job done. Now, one key word that you probably aren't going to see in a guidebook is do your taxes. But does the Knight of Pentacles very much embody that advice? 100% he does, and he comes up a lot for people who are business owners who need to do their taxes. But then being able to place your own meanings within that is what really makes a good reading and a good interpretation. Now I'm kind of getting away from the rules, so let's go back to that conversation topic. I'm sure we've all read that you have to be gifted your first tarot deck. No, you don't. If you want to read tarot, go get a deck. That you should only work with one deck until you're really good and comfortable with it. And yes, that can be helpful for some people, but other people love variation and they actually find a lot of depth in comparing different versions of the tarot cards to see what different versions ignite. I've heard that you can only shuffle a certain way. No, shuffle however you want. Tarot cards can be big, especially for small hands. So do what works for you. That you have to store your tarot decks a certain way. I believed this too at the beginning. Actually, my dad knew this one, so I think I got it more from my dad, but he was always taught that you have to store your tarot decks in silk. So when I first started learning, he gave me a bunch of these little silk hankies so that I could store my tarot decks in them. It's really hard to keep tarot decks together when you're traveling when they're stored in little silk hankies, let me tell ya. So if you want to store them that way, do it. If you want to put them in a pouch, do it. If you like the box or a rubber band, do that. As long as they're staying together and protected in some way from the elements if you're traveling around, you can store them whatever way you want. It's not gonna make a difference. Or I should say, it's not going to make a difference unless you believe it does. Another one I keep seeing pop up too is that to read tarot, you actually have to read through your guides or get the messages through the guides. And if that works for you, keep at it. But I don't believe in that whatsoever. Like that doesn't work for me because I don't believe that. I love a good psychological approach to the tarot. I love a woo-woo approach to the tarot. And I personally would say I'm somewhere in between. But again, you have to experiment and go with what actually works. Go with what gives you results, what feels accurate, what feels right for you. So more so than hard strict rules, I would say have guidelines for yourself, especially if you're learning tarot, just so that the it could be anything doesn't feel so overwhelming. So for example, let's say you're starting out in tarot and you're like, you know what, 78 cards times two for upright and reversed is just super overwhelming to me. That's cool. Don't read reversed. And then if you decide a few months or years down the line that you'd like to give reversals a try, try it. Experiment, see what it feels like. Because I'm going to say it again, tarot is a personal practice. So we've talked a lot about the rules. Let's talk about some ethics because I think sometimes rules and ethics get a little bit muddled. So one rule or ethical boundary is reading for third parties, reading for people who aren't there, who haven't given consent, and who aren't even aware that you're doing a reading on them. So maybe you're feeling a little bit hurt and nosy if your ex is happy with their current partner. Or maybe you have a client who wants to know what their boss thinks of them. The question really isn't can you do this? The question is should you do this? And this is really more a question of ethics rather than you can versus you can't. For me personally, I don't love third-party readings. I did it a lot when I first started because I thought I had to do what people wanted me to do, and over time I've changed quite a bit, as so have my clients, or I should say the type of clients that I get. But I think you have to decide for yourself whether or not you think this is fair or ethical, and if that's the kind of reading you want to do. Now, the reason why I've really stopped and gotten away from doing it is because I don't think it's fair to put thoughts and emotions in somebody else's mouth when they're not even there to defend it. Our thoughts, our feelings, our ideas, they change from moment to moment. And I think it's really unfair to say, okay, well, so-and-so thinks this when they have no way to defend themselves. They don't know that's being said about them. I would hate if someone did that to me, so I don't want to do that to somebody else. Some people have no problem with that, and I don't have a problem doing a reading about an energy of a relationship or what you can do to help that person. But when someone comes to me and says, Does so-and-so like me, that actually signifies a bigger problem about the relationship. The fact that you can't have that conversation and ask them, that speaks volumes compared to what the cards are going to say. And I understand why people ask these questions. They want some sort of certainty or guarantee or security before they put themselves out there, before they feel more vulnerable. So please don't think that that was a criticism of those types of questions. I get why they're asked. But as a reader, you have to decide whether or not it's up to you to answer those. Other ethical considerations are things like medical and financial readings. Again, I'm not saying don't do those, but know your limits and play within it. I would say if you don't have expertise in that area, just be careful with the types of readings or advice or guidance that you're giving. Can the cards give general advice in those areas that can help if you're not an expert? 100% yes. I have had so many people ask me about finances, only for the cards to show, hey, you should probably talk to someone who really knows what they're talking about. Go talk to a financial investor. Go get someone who has that King of Pentacles energy to really help you out and mentor you through this. For me personally, I'm not a doctor. I don't like working with medicine or the medical body, that kind of stuff. Some people are really in tune and love that kind of stuff and have learned a lot. So, you know, they have some expertise there. But I'm not going to necessarily diagnose anybody, but I might say, hey, there's something going on here I would suggest you go to a doctor. Or I've had people come where it's like, hey, maybe you need a second opinion. And sometimes for health readings, the cards can show, you know, what other things are going on in your life that are affecting your health that we can work on. And let me tell you, nine times out of ten, what's really coming up there is that they're overstressed, they're overthinking, they're overworking, and that's having negative impacts on their health, especially when they have other issues going on. So for me, I think I can help in that respect, but I can't diagnose you. I've had people come to me and ask if they're pregnant. It's a 50-50 shot. Go take a test. Don't ask the tarot cards unless you're just doing it for fun. I've had people ask me what the gender of their baby is, and I'm like, you know what? Let's pull a card, but please don't put any stock in this. We're just doing it for fun. And most people are cool with that, because like what a fun way to see what comes up. And amazingly enough, I did do this once and they already knew the gender and told me after, and it was correct. So that was pretty cool. But again, I did have a 50-50 shot. So I don't want to make it sound like you can't read on these topics. I would say just make sure you understand what your limits and what your boundaries are when it comes to reading on these topics, because that's a really big ethical thing. For me, I personally have a code of ethics that's listed on my website, just so that people know what they're getting into. And if you're not sure how you feel about an element of it, I always say think about you being on the other side. How would you feel if you were on the receiving end of that? And if you don't feel like you'd feel good about it, then maybe you don't do it. A lot of readers also will not predict death, which I think is fair. I personally won't. I should say I rarely won't. I think there was maybe one reading where it came up and she was like, oh no, she's on her deathbed. And I was like, okay, cool. So it did give us that clarity that things were coming to an end. And there were a couple cards that indicated that. So I felt pretty, I don't want to say good about that, but strong, and that's what the interpretation was really coming through as. But no matter which way you slice it, death is a tender topic. And I don't mean the card of death. I mean death coming up in a reading where you think, oh gosh, I feel like that's the way it's heading. But we need to be kind and compassionate with those types of messages. I personally would not go there. It's up to you if that's something you think you should do, but it's generally agreed upon that that's not somewhere you normally go. Because, and it's the big because here, what if you've predicted that and then you're wrong? What if by predicting that you change the choices they make and lead to that? Whereas if you hadn't said it, they would make those choices. I don't know. I'm just spitballing and going down the rabbit hole here, to be honest with you. But it's things that are worth contemplating when you decide what your ethics are. And the last one is kind of an interesting one. Do you have an age limit? Like, do you only read for adults, or would you read for someone under the age of 18? Now I have read for a good number of children, I would say. I mean not tons because they're not the stereotypical clientele, but I've done lots of markets and events, and children are there and they are curious, and their parents always ask if it's okay. If it's okay with the parent and the child wants to do it, then it's 100% okay with me. But of course, I'm going to filter the message so that it's for a child. Children know so much more than we often give them credit for, but their brains are still developing, they're still figuring out this world, right? So I think it's important to tone down the message and remember that. But I remember one of the children I read for, she was a hoot. She had a great time in the reading. She was having problems with some friends at school, which came up in the cards, and I just asked her, you know, are you having some problems with some friends? And there was a girl who was being mean to her. And I honestly can't remember what the cards came up as, but she was just confirming everything. Like, yeah, that's her. She's like this. And then I do remember the Knight of Cups came up, and it was all about that creativity and expressing yourself through your art, and she just loved that. She soaked that right up and was so excited to do more of that because that card showed her that that was worthwhile for her. And she already knew that because she wouldn't have reacted the way that she did if that wasn't the case. And her mom had been saying the same thing, but this goes for anybody. Sometimes when you see it in the cards, because the cards and the reader have no stake in the game, it's sometimes easier to accept. And that's true no matter what age you are. But I just remembered she left saying how cool Tarot was, and maybe she'll dig into it. Maybe not now, maybe someday. But if kids are curious, let them explore. Make them a part of the reading, ask them what they see in the cards, what stands out to them, and I think you'll be very surprised and very rewarded by the responses. So of course, get consent and make sure it's something that you're comfortable with, because not everybody is, and again, that's totally okay. But tarot is a tool that can be Enjoyed by all if we want it to be. So in short, when it comes to tarot, there aren't really any hard set rules. You get to make the rules because it's your practice. I always say understand the foundation of the cards and then experiment. See what works for you, see what connects with you. And if it doesn't, that's okay. You're not doing it wrong. Tarot isn't something that needs to be gatekeeped, and I think a lot of the rules that people try to impose on the cards come from a place of insecurity and or a lack of skill. I can say with certainty, when I used to believe that you could not use tarot for yes-no questions, because once upon a time I did, it was because I was afraid. So it wasn't so much that tarot couldn't be used that way, it was that I didn't know how to use it that way. And whether you know how or don't, whether you like it or not, that's your choice. But let's not make rules that hold people back for no reason. Honestly, the whole idea of experimenting with your cards to really learn them and know what feels right for you is why I created the tarot lab. It's why I host monthly masterclasses on different ways to work with the cards and monthly tarot practice lab sessions to learn different techniques to know if something clicks. For example, some people love timing, they love to predict timing with the cards, and other people don't. They like the more ebb and flow and to kind of see where the energy is going versus making a hard prediction. Neither one is right and neither one is wrong. They're both valid and they're both going to work for different people and different clients. And that's the beauty of tarot. As you grow and transform and change and learn, so does your practice. So if there are any outdated rules that you're clinging to, maybe ask yourself why and know that it's okay to change your mind. If it's simply because I don't like it and it doesn't work for me, cool, carry on. But if it's something else, maybe it's worth looking into. I hope this episode provided a lot of food for thought. If you have any comments you'd like to share, I'd love to hear from you. You can follow BeyondThe Shuffle at beyondtheShuffle.buzzsprout.com, on my website at adrianamari.comslash podcast, or on Instagram at BeyondThe Shuffle Podcast. New episodes come out every Wednesday on YouTube and everywhere you love listening to podcasts. Ooh, and if you want a few fun ways to interact with your cards, make sure you're following me on Instagram at Adrian Amari Tarot. So I hope that you enjoyed this week's episode. I'll be back next Wednesday here on Beyond the Shuffle. And until then, stay curious and keep experimenting with your cards.